This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
