hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
