Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
