It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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