I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
