the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
do herpes really smell.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
