I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
