when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
