I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
ttyl tear gas
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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