u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
