Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
