I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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