Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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