HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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