Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
