speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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