Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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