Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
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I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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