did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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