they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
