I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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