I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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