Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
