so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want to have your abortion
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My vagina is officially offended.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
