you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
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it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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