If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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