I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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