u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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