Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
