I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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