Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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