I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You smell like stripper and shame
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
