2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
