i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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