It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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