everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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