Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
