You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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