I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
