THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
