so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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