guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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