Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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