Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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