yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
