Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
