what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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