This is not my ceiling
She said her name was "party"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
