Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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