actually, I'm a sock model
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
