i just google imaged poop.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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