When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
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I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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