Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
