Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
