It's Friday. Sex?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
