I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
