If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
