come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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