12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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