omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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