i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What drink are we having for lunch?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
