why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
