We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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