Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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