you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
