Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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