Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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