Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
