it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
