So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
