im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
