my phone needs a breathalizer
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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