the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
