I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We talked him into tasing himself.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
