Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She announced her abortion via fbk
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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