Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
