he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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